He is your man after all. So why do some men get their knickers in a twist simply because their “woman” leaves behind some evidence of POL (Proof Of Life) in his crib?
Well, dogs and cats, both wild and domestic, do it all the time — they spray urine to mark their territory. Bears claw trees as high as they can reach to show other bears how big and tall they are. If another bear can’t reach that high he or she knows to walk softly in that area.
It is an age-old dilemma; no matter how much of a good boy he is, his eyes will still wander. With you around, his eyes probably wouldn’t do the roving reporter routine as much. But when your back is turned, the brother suddenly has a glass eye that can swivel 360 degrees (ten times) in a nanosecond. This is not to say that he will cheat on you, but a girl has got to protect her territory.
The possibility of your man cheating has made women employ some subtle and not-so-subtle ways of warding off the competition: by letting “perceived” competition and the world know that their man is taken. Indeed, most men are resistant to the idea that once they have formed a romantic attachment with one woman, they should then lose appreciation for all other women in the world. Some might compare this to the idea that once you have seen the Mona Lisa, all other art is, by definition, worthless rubbish that should be destroyed immediately or never viewed. How can they get it so wrong ladies? That’s not what we are saying surely….
A woman wants respect when she is with her man and when they are apart. And that explicitly means no cheating. Undivided and full attention should be given to each other by both partners. It is hard work to keep a committed long-term relationship fresh, interesting, and romantic. Work and effort needs to go into it, and when this is not done, partners tend to drift apart. This is not to say that the relationship cannot be rejuvenated. When this happens in a relationship, one of the two parties in the relationship may have prodded, nagged, and moaned for change without proactively initiating it. Females at this point start to feel insecure about their relationship and this goes hand in hand with the thought that their men might stray. When they are out, she would look out for signs that he fancies other women, which may be incorrect. However, there are cases when this has been proven right: Mr Swivel Stick Neck looks for lusher pastures believing that the grass is greener there.
In scenarios where there is good reason for suspicion, canny ladies bide their time and start to mark their territories. These “investment ventures” may prove worthwhile if you’ve been in a long and meaningful relationship with your partner and someone else is about to encroach into your territory with an illegal visa. Wear your night vision goggles steadfastly as the cat burglar is about to strike, however, never forget that they may have been let in by the guard. One case where this is not the best idea? When you are in a “friends with benefits” arrangement and then you decide that you need to mark your territory. This is a classic case of bunny boiler and men in straight jackets alert. A few nights of mutually beneficial shenanigans with no explicit verbal commitment does not qualify for territory marking.
Over the years, I’ve heard stories of ways that girlfriends and other acquaintances mark their territories. Knowing these techniques could help deter your man from cheating, and if he does, all hell will break loose for him when his paramour discovers that he is only after some under G action. However, taking such actions does reek of deep-seated insecurities in your relationship and shows a lack in you too as a person. Ask yourself: "Do I really want to be with someone that I can't trust?"
Is marking your territory an action that you are willing to undertake for the foreseeable future? At what point do you stop? Having an engagement ring or wedding band on your finger would not stop a man from cheating if that is in his psyche. Maybe taking these actions would help you know if you are with the right man and help you determine if he is your Prince Charming or two-timing sewer rat.
Here are four tips: (The key is to do it intentionally but make it appear like an accident - subtlety and ingenuity is key).
Dogs and cats do it all the time, and though we humans often mark our life partners with gold bands, sometimes we haven’t had a chance to tag our male partner before he goes out into the wild. Some women rub their scent all over their man, marking him as being theirs. How to? Go into his wardrobe and liberally spray his clothing with your perfume. If he notices - just say that whilst spraying your cloth which was on the hanger — you may have inadvertently sprayed his. Remember, 90% of men are genetically lazy when it comes to domestic chores. He would be hard-pressed to dry clean/ wash an adequately clean item of clothing. The brother has no option but to wear his clothes as they are. Any smart lady who visits or comes close enough for some naughty roulette would surely smell you on him. This would guarantee fireworks — he will have some uncomfortable explaining to do. She has been warned.
Changing the smell and decor in his apartment
Making subtle changes to the man’s decor, like changing the boring block colour dish towels to a floral patterned one and making his apartment smell like lavender or lilies as opposed to gym socks or an overflowing dirty trash can. Many men do not really take notice of their bachelor pads as long as the entertainment system is functional, the microwave can do the job and he has got clean underpants, he is unlikely to make a fuss when you help him out in making his home more habitable. Any discerning female who enters his crib would notice these discrepancies — from the dusty entertainment system, unclean floor, to contradictory lavender smell and neatly laid-out kitchen utensils and look-at-me dish cloth or feminine chintzy wall clock. Best bit about this is that she will blatantly know that he has got a woman in his life. Caught on the spot when asked, he would not be able to give a straight-faced answer that the enhancements came about when his mum or female sibling visited. If the sister is a real sleuth, the brother would be busted.
Giving the guy a framed photo of the two of you for his desk at work or his mantelpiece at home is an obvious warning that says “hands off; he’s mine”. If he is quick enough he may be able to surreptitiously hide it away when his lady friend visits, but he will not always be so lucky. One day he may forget to do so. A good advantage of using this ploy is that you too will also be in the know — as you will know if it had been moved or is missing entirely, simply because he hid it and forgot to put it back. Note: When cross-examining him, make sure to look out for indications that he is lying (you’ve been together long enough to know the signs) and more importantly: ask the same question from different angles over a period of time to see if you will get the same answers. If he is fidgety, abrupt, defensive and snappy with his answers for no reason, smell the coffee: he has been a naughty boy.
Leaving feminine products behind
This is a very common one and involves leaving any kind of feminine stuff — from tampons, feminine facial cleansers, underwear, and even a pink toothbrush in the toilet. He will have a huge task on his hand to mentally and physically check that every trace of your presence is removed before his conquest comes over. An insidious trick is also to change the bedding for him just before you leave, but make sure that you leave some personal feminine item under your pillow or on it, e.g a hairpin, or strands of hair-think 007. All this should be placed on the side on the bed that you would normally sleep on. Men are creatures of habit. He would not give up his favourite sleeping position for a woman unless there are health reasons behind it. Picture this: just before or after they do the naughty and getting to know each other better on “your bedcovers”, as she tries to fluff the pillows and make herself more comfortable with your pillow — out pops your POL! The explaining he will be forced to make is sure to deflate some ermm excitement. You will know if he has been cheating on you when he starts to moan and attack you (unnecessarily) about your hairpin or strand of hair that was on “your side” of the bed.
Question at the end of the day is, deep inside, would you feel safe with a lying cheating scumbag? You deserve more: treat yourself with respect and dignity and leave the undeserving fool.